Thursday, October 10, 2013

Miscarriage changes life in an instant!

I was pregnant with my second child. Both my husband and I were so happy to know that my son Gabriel was going to be a big brother in April 2014. We started thinking about names and even planning how we were going to manage a newborn and a toddler while carring on with my studies. I was so ready to have this baby.

Sadly, my little one did not survive the 1st trimester. I was 11 weeks pregnant when I found out that my baby had stopped growing at 9 weeks. It was devastating news for us when the doctor told us that there was no heartbeat. The doctor told us that there was no certain cause for the miscarriage and it was not uncommon for women to experience miscarriages. I spent days crying and trying to figure out what had gone wrong. Till today, I do not know what went wrong and I knew I never will!

 
(illustration by Sarah Wilkins: www.sarahwilkins.net)

I never thought I would have a miscarriage. I don't think any mother or parent would! My body did show any signs of miscarriage other than cramps in my abdomen (which I thought was normal as I had it with my son). Also my body did not naturally expel my baby thus I had to go for surgery. It was terrifying yet I knew it was a needed procedure.

My life has changed. My son and husband have been the ones who have been keeping me sane. My son was so different with me during the days I had the miscarriage and surgery. He was so loving and gave me plenty of hugs and kisses. Usually, I have to beg for just one kiss or hug! I think he knew my pain.

Have I healed? I don't think so but I am trying to move on. Life is unfair and cruel at times. However I count my blessings. My son is healthy and growing up to be a very lovely boy and my husband is my pillar. Without him, I don't know where I would be in this world!

My baby is in heaven with other babies and angels. She is a part of my husband and me.  She will always be in our hearts even though we never met her in person. I will always cherish the fews weeks I was granted to have her in my body!

I am sorry to those who have been asking me how I was on my Instagram and Facebook on numerous occasions and I did not and have not responded back. Just needed some space and time to grieve! Now I am feeling better emotionally and am trying to come back to normality. In no time, I should be back to vlogging and tutorial making. Thank you for your understanding!

40 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry to hear that Uma, I know its not easy to accept the loss...I myself had 3 miscarriages and I'm still hoping I will be a mother soon....I hope that you will over come this situation sooner or later...God bless U...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Uma,
    Please, don't feel devastated. I went through a miscarriage as well before I had my lil baby boy and, yes, it was a bit devastating at first because, as you, I was really excited. But you don't have to ask yourself why. I know plenty of people that had miscarriages. It is not uncommon, it is actually really common. These things happen everyday and fortunately it is not the end. You just gotta wait a couple of months and try again :) And I am sure it will work just fine next time. My only advice, don't tell people until week 12 as before that miscarriages are more common. If you tell people before and then go through a miscarriage it is harder coz you gotta tell everybody about the miscarriage and people that don't know ask you about the pregnancy and it feels bad. You have a beautiful baby son and should just be happy for that. Some women can't even have kids or struggle for years before they have one. Keep tryin' and you'll see how some time soon your son will have a cute lil brother or sister. All my love for you Uma...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Uma.. i can feel your pain.. i dunno what to say... but just stay strong and god bless you and your family <3

    ReplyDelete
  4. Uma, I do feel your pain. I too have suffered miscarriage. and know that with your strength and loving family, you will get through it. Stay blessed

    ReplyDelete
  5. Uma,
    I feel your pain. I'm so sorry for your loss. I've also had had a miscarriage in the past, at 11 week also, and the baby had stopped growing at about 9 weeks, just like what happened with your little angel. And worst, a few years after that, I was pregnant again, but like you said life is cruel at times, I lost my baby at 25 weeks! I will never get passed this sadness but life must go on, we don't have a choice. Touch wood, we were blessed with daughter a month ago. I know my angels are watching down on her.

    Take your time but stay strong. xo

    ReplyDelete
  6. Deeply sorry to hear that..I'm a mom too and can understand exactly what u feel..
    U're blessed with a handsome boy and vl be blessed again with another baby soon!!
    Take care of urself!

    ReplyDelete
  7. OMG ! Really sorry..stay strong..we all are with you..

    ReplyDelete
  8. Stay strong and everything will be okay.... take care..

    ReplyDelete
  9. I wish I could hug you. You are my vision of self confidence and i look in to your strengths when i need some.Maybe you dont know this but you are my role model to live a positive life. You are a strong lady and I know you can handle this. Trust in God and he will take care of everything.
    Hugs and kisses.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I am so sorry to hear this. My sister went through the exact same thing except it was her third child. She and her husband were devastated but in time healed and a year later was blessed with another baby. You will heal too and you have a healthy son and wonderful husband. Stay positive.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Didi, I am really sorry to hear about this! And Putting it down here is probably a good thing. Sharing sadness diminishes it. From your personal videos, I know you are brave and one of the strongest ladies I know! I know you will sail through this! It is nice that your husband and son are with you. All of us are with you! I know you will not let this get you for long!
    Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Sorry to hear this Uma. You are a strong woman and having your son and husband by you is a great gift. Take your time. have your space and come back soon.

    Sending some hugs to you and your family
    Deepika

    ReplyDelete
  13. Sory for your loss... loosing a child no matter how and when is for a woman the worst thing can happen to her.
    Hope that with support of your friends and family and us (your followers) you will find the strength to give this a nice and warm place. Never forget but cherish the love for your special kid. big hug from me Shangeeta

    ReplyDelete
  14. I am sorry to hear this, God will comfort you and your family

    ReplyDelete
  15. Losing such a joy is hard. Grieve that way you feel you need to. You are such a bright spirit and inspiration and you will be blessed again. I've had two miscarriages and each was tough to bear, but I'm now the mother of 5. Keep your chin up, give yourself time and we're all sending you good thoughts and our prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I'm so sorry for your loss. I think one of the hardest things is to lose an unborn child. Just know that many of us have walked in your shoes and walked through to the other side. You will be in my thoughts and prayers!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Uma, thank you for sharing what you are going through, no one can feel how you feel personally. We are all wishing you many blessings to follow. In your own time and space, be well. Love you.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Words seem inadequate to express the sadness we feel about your unborn. I'm sorry. Reaching out my arms to you Uma.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Words seem inadequate to express the sadness we feel about your unborn. I'm sorry. Reaching out my arms to you Uma.

    ReplyDelete
  20. ohhh Uma...i dont have any words to express my feelings but i pray God to give u strength and Keep counting ur blessings...Be happy always coz your son n hubby wants to see a smile on your face always....

    ReplyDelete
  21. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  22. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I cannot even image what you are going through. Take the time to pray, to be with your family, so that you can heal spiritually, mentally and physically as best as you can. My prayers also go out to your beautiful angel. Sending you much love and many hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Sorry to hear that Uma. Hopefully you feel better soon. True sometimes we can never explain certain things that happens to us.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I'm one of your followers from France. I'm so sorry for you, for your family, deeply.
    You are in my prayers

    ReplyDelete
  25. Im so sorry for your loss. My prayer go out to your family. You are such a strong woman
    xx

    ReplyDelete
  26. So sorry for your loss, Uma! Many hugs! Sending some prayers and healing thoughts.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Sorry to hear your Uma. I know its hard dear.. be strong.

    ReplyDelete
  28. I'm so sorry to hear this Uma. I lost my child at 7 months Nov 15th of last year and it was so devastating. I know your pain. Have faith that you and your husband will be blessed with another beautiful baby.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Hi Uma, please be strong, GOD always has better plans, I was pregnant with my 2nd on the same timing as you were,how ironic.. excited and sad at the same time even i told my hubby that i was not ready as he was assigned to Russia for his next project and thinking i had to go through the 2nd pregnancy by myself again made me mad , even the 1st one he was away to Jakarta.Somehow i knew i have to accept it and go along as it was my baby (my blood & flesh) and doc gave me a due date on 24th March 2014 and my hubby promised that he will be back for my delivery no matter what. I left to spore with my boy ( 1 year 9 month ) to join for a short vacation to spore ( my husband is stationed for his project currently) i left after the hari raya holidays, it was a solid 2 weeks holiday n when i came back end of aug, on the same very day back to msia i had slight bleeding which i thought it was normal, even i had cramping back in spore which i thought it was normal too. We went to clinic the next very day just to confirm the baby would be fine, i was at 10 weeks 6 days , I've got a shock when the doc told me there is no heart beat and the sack is empty. He said i had miscarriage and even i was finding the heartbeat on the screen monitor and i couldn't see none. My hubby was still not convinced. Somehow with heavy hearted i told my hubby to relax n i would go n see my gynae the next day. and the doc said please admit yourself today. And it was a Sunday and i didn't think it was a emergency since i was very fine and i went the next very day. And yes the gynae confirmed it was a miscarriage. I asked her alots of question is it due to travelling and so forth n she mentioned to me that most early miscarriage happens (50 to 60%) when the fetus is genetically or structurally not formed very well. I had D&C the very next day and was on medical leave for 2 weeks before returning to work. Somehow i was strong to accept the fact coz the greatest lost i had in my life was my appa...whom i dearly miss till today who didn't get to see my marriage nor his grandchild. All i can say to u is be strong dear, time is a very good healer..... veniia78

    ReplyDelete
  30. God Bless you and your wonderful family.

    ReplyDelete
  31. When God chooses an angel to touch our lives, we look at it in many different ways, but when he chooses to take that angel away, we must find what it is that he was trying to say with such a great gift. I personally am a mother of 6 children. I have 3 living, The first 2 miscarriages didn't register, but the last one was full term. The only thing the doctor could or would tell me was, "He just wouldn't breathe." It hit me like a ton of bricks. I didn't think I would ever be able to bounce back from that one. I didn't understand a lot of things back them, but I have learned to live with those loses, each one in their perspective place. I can understand your grief and as a mother, I can honestly feel your pain. What I've learned from my own experiences, is that God has a plan for our lives and sometimes his plan is different from our own plans. When these times enter our lives, it is a call to slow down and take a look into your heart and ourselves. It is a time when we must deal with/ work through whatever it was that brought you to this point. The pain never goes away and neither do the questions, but in time your broken heart will patch itself up and you will learn to live again.
    Today, I was doing a search on sewing pattern review for a pattern (M5813). Your review came up. I decided that since I was here I would look through your site, I am so glad that I did. I got the chance to meet one of God's most beautiful creatures (A Loving Mother) and give what I hope are a few words of encouragement and hope. Know in your heart that I will sincerely pray you and your family strength, love, and prosperity as you go through this rough time.
    Keep your head up and remember that in all things,,,Give Him Praise.,,,,,Lots Of Love and Plenty of Hugs, DelliaG

    ReplyDelete
  32. so sorry for your loss, you are in my thoughts and prayers x

    ReplyDelete
  33. So sorry to hear about your loss hun!! Hope God gives you enough strength to cope mentally and emotionally.. N I am sure he has something better in store for you which will soon come over.. Be strong!! xx

    ReplyDelete
  34. sorry for your loss..best wishes for your life,and looking for your blogs,vlogs when you get back yo ur normal life..be strong..
    god bless u

    ReplyDelete
  35. Sad to hear this piece of news, am sorry for your loss.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Hey Uma. Reading your blog and the unbearable loss make me go back to my miscarriage. This happened in 2007. It was my first pregnancy. A baby I was so excited. Even more than me, my husband was overwhelmed ehen we found out that I was pregnant. Then at 12 weeks the miscarriage happened. I felt something just leaving my body. It happend at home. Enormous blood loos, pain and fear. Taken to hospital to find out the I had a miscarriage. Felt depression for months. Losing my first child is painful. I never thought I would get pregnant again. Then I after 4months that I was pregnant. I wasn't excited. Just feared that I would lose this child. But end 2008 God I was blessed with a beautiful baby girl. I couldn't have been happier. Blessed. I always say to myself that everything happens for a reason. We might question the reasons but its a way of pulling through life
    I just wish u and your family a happy and blessed life. With love.

    ReplyDelete
  37. sorry for your loss, i can understand the pain. power to you.

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts with Thumbnails