Thursday, October 10, 2013

Miscarriage changes life in an instant!

I was pregnant with my second child. Both my husband and I were so happy to know that my son Gabriel was going to be a big brother in April 2014. We started thinking about names and even planning how we were going to manage a newborn and a toddler while carring on with my studies. I was so ready to have this baby.

Sadly, my little one did not survive the 1st trimester. I was 11 weeks pregnant when I found out that my baby had stopped growing at 9 weeks. It was devastating news for us when the doctor told us that there was no heartbeat. The doctor told us that there was no certain cause for the miscarriage and it was not uncommon for women to experience miscarriages. I spent days crying and trying to figure out what had gone wrong. Till today, I do not know what went wrong and I knew I never will!

(illustration by Sarah Wilkins:

I never thought I would have a miscarriage. I don't think any mother or parent would! My body did show any signs of miscarriage other than cramps in my abdomen (which I thought was normal as I had it with my son). Also my body did not naturally expel my baby thus I had to go for surgery. It was terrifying yet I knew it was a needed procedure.

My life has changed. My son and husband have been the ones who have been keeping me sane. My son was so different with me during the days I had the miscarriage and surgery. He was so loving and gave me plenty of hugs and kisses. Usually, I have to beg for just one kiss or hug! I think he knew my pain.

Have I healed? I don't think so but I am trying to move on. Life is unfair and cruel at times. However I count my blessings. My son is healthy and growing up to be a very lovely boy and my husband is my pillar. Without him, I don't know where I would be in this world!

My baby is in heaven with other babies and angels. She is a part of my husband and me.  She will always be in our hearts even though we never met her in person. I will always cherish the fews weeks I was granted to have her in my body!

I am sorry to those who have been asking me how I was on my Instagram and Facebook on numerous occasions and I did not and have not responded back. Just needed some space and time to grieve! Now I am feeling better emotionally and am trying to come back to normality. In no time, I should be back to vlogging and tutorial making. Thank you for your understanding!